There came a point when I was frequently asked by people if they could pay me for my work. I was never sure if I wanted to become full time photographer as my primary employment. My profession is in health care – critical care. It’s high end, stressful and fatiguing so the thought of working as a professional photographer had some appeal to it. I completed a few photography courses, had some mentors and started working part time as a photographer. Working as a photographer was a great experience. I learnt a lot. I had several shoots feature in magazines and feedback from my clients was always great, but shooting for clients brings a whole different level of pressure. It’s a lot harder than you would think. Especially weddings where you don’t get a second chance.

Weddings are so important. I found myself always worried about what would happen if I was injured or ill and I couldn’t shoot the wedding. Even though I had a second photographer working for me at most weddings, the responsibility of shooting someone’s wedding was one that I took extremely seriously. Other pressures that got to me included running a business, how much to charge, trying not to get so caught up in working all the time. I have the upmost respect for those who make a career from photography. Its hard work and they have gone through a hard time with the pandemic lock downs cancelling weddings and other shoots.

After a while I found myself trying to produce photos tailored specifically to a style the client wanted or what I thought they might like. This may sound strange but I think that was a mistake. Yes, you are shooting for the client but they have hired you because they like your work. Trying to produces images for what I thought the client wanted steered me away from editing in my own style. I think this is a big trap avoid. You need to trust your style and produce images you love. The clients who like your work will naturally find you. Loose that and you are nothing more than a commodity producing generic images. The passion and creativity will soon go out the window.   

There came a point where I was working all the time, hospital and photography. The enjoyment of photography had gone. I was essentially working two jobs and my idea of what it would be like to work as a photographer was completely different to the romantic vision I had preconceived. I needed to slow down the photography work but I wasn’t sure what to do with my business, website, insurance, ABN, etc, so I went into a state of limbo. Que the internal flurry of self-doubt and imposter syndrome that we all battle from time to time. What was I? A professional photographer? A part time photographer? Where did I want to take my photography? If I stop shooting professionally have I failed as a photographer? Have I failed as a person (something I am not used to)? Have I let myself down? Have I let others down? Has the whole journey been a pointless exercise?

The net result was my photography suffered greatly. My enjoyment for photography was gone. I went through a stage where I stopped working in photography and I didn’t feel like shooting for myself or publicly sharing my work. When I looked at my past work I thought it was all rubbish. I could hardy pick up a camera. I lost my vision, passion and my eye for light. Normally I would see light, shadow and images everywhere I went. Like a camera in my head. I loved it. This stopped. I stopped testing myself, learning from others and trying new things. I stopped shooting macro. I stopped shooting landscapes.

I decided to take some time away from photography to clear my head. It took a few years to work it out. I am now happy to say that I am an amateur photographer who loves photography for nothing more than the pleasure it brings me. I have no desire to work in the photography industry. I may take photos for people who ask me. If I do, it will be because I want to, not because I feel obliged. I do occasionally sell my landscape photos but the profits only cover a fraction of equipment updates and running costs.

I’ve learnt a lot along the way. Things that I would not have learnt if I didn’t go down that road. Overall I wouldn’t change a thing because I’m a much better photographer because of it and I no longer have any questions about what I want as a photographer. I have a deeper appreciation for those who work in the photography industry. I now find more joy in photography than before I had worked as a photography.

Now I have chosen to embrace all my photos from all stages of my development as a photographer. In the past I felt I had to tailor my website to a website brand or client base. My website now showcases an eclectic representation of all my work. It’s not tailored to a specific client, style or look. It’s a no holds barred, put it all out there approach. It’s free and limitless. I don’t want to be restricted to one type of photography. I want to try it all, experiment and continue to grow. What drives me as a photographer is the imperfection of photography. No photo is perfect, no photographer is perfect, there is always more to learn and a better photo to take. The excitement and anticipation of the next photo keeps me coming back for more.

I hope you enjoy my photos, especially my landscape and macro galleries. Please feel free to ask me questions or leave a comment. I also have some educational material on my Photo Tinkering website where you will find tips and answers to some of the most common questions I receive.

Thanks for being a part of my photography journey. 

Matt